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BrokenI know I can't take back my words
but now I don't even try.
Stop saying that it hurts
and stop questioning how and why.
Explanations aren't simple
and with all these flaws I fight
it's so hard to ever get well,
even harder to shine bright.
But even if I said I'm sorry,
you would hate me even more.
And even if I said don't worry,
you won't listen anymore.
I know that I have changed
but we can't stay kids forever
and I know it might be strange
but I don't wanna grow up ever.
'Cause all that's waiting is more trouble
and all that I want is to see
what lies beneath the subtle,
what is there to set us free.
So I'll tell you that I'm happy
even if I start to cry
'cause you're not supposed to worry
but you only see the lie.
Never the same againPlease, don't take away the darkness,
don't shatter my dreams, the only light.
When everything seems to be broken,
they will be my only comfort.
You won't understand, I know,
but please stand by me
and I promise, I'll be there
in your darkest hours, too.
Kindness will heal the heart,
but the soul can never be repaired.
Like a paper with my name on it
that you scrambled and threw away.
When you pick it up again,
it will never be the same.
And so will I.
FailureThey stand around me, everywhere.
They used to laugh but now they stare.
Anger, sadness in their hearts.
Hate me and my broken parts.
All their souls I broke to pieces
haunt me, blame me without ceases.
I see them when I'm all alone.
I see them as my heart breaks down.
All their fret, I can't ignore.
All this, I can't take no more.
I won't forgive, I won't forget!Rip my heart and break my leg
but you can never hurt me.
Put your rope around my neck
but you won't dare to hang me.
I'll be waving a white flag,
you'll just point and laugh
but you won't know about my lack,
you won't destroy my love.
Now don't kneel and start to beg
for I will not forgive you
'cause what you did behind my back
made me learn to hate you.
Perfect?Forgotten, rotten and misunderstood,
always tried the best you could,
but the best just wasn't good enough.
How could you possibly live,
when all they didn't give
was all you ever needed?
But who cares for what others think?
You put your own life on the brink
by hating everything you did.
So close your eyes from their flaws
and deny all those broken laws,
so they can be perfect still.
LonerCan being alive alone make a loner happy?
Would you believe me,
if I told you I was dying?
Would you stop trying?
Please, look me in the eyes
and tell me all those well-known lies
about trust, about love
and everything I'm yet sick of.
And when you turn around full of shame,
again I'm the one to blame,
for my being, most of all,
will be the reason for my fall.
UnforgottenThese words are still haunting my mind,
I can't seem to get rid of them
'cause they're so true.
I never loved, I never felt,
never did I smile.
Loneliness filled my heart with void.
In these hours of hatred,
I still think of you.
I don't regret, but long.
I miss the joy you shared with me,
everything you gave.
But having nothing to give back,
how could I live in this nightmare?
MadWhat if I told you that I'm mad?
At times I know it's the only way out.
You finally love me, understand me,
but why don't you freak out?
Killing you was a bad idea,
killing me was even worse.
Death is still no peace for me.
Tell me, please, is this a curse?
Empty LoveFirst time I saw your face
swept me off my feet,
you were so sweet
it made me gaze.
But then there was shame,
I felt the guilt
for the thoughts I built,
you'd never feel the same.
Eight years have past
and seeing you every day
made me realize I'm gay
'cause all the feelings still last.
It made me love you even more,
although every look of you
makes me feel erring and blue,
you're the one I live for.
Red ScreamsSmiling at me, shiny silver teeth
Begging my wrist
For one chaste
Grinning at me, that evil smirk
Making my heart pound
So sharp so
I know I
And really I
Arm’s too full of blood
From attempts to
Join the stars.
Photo album of
My diary of my
I am still
Txt Me L8r"Hey baby. <3"
"How are you?"
"Doing good. Just alright, though?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it."
(I'm nothing worth worrying about.)
"Alright, as long as you're sure "
"Of course. (:"
(The fear forc
Reaching Out.I'm reaching out with my hands
Expecting you my love to embrace me,
But when I close my hand and see that you
Have not yet grasped on,
With every time I open my hand
To this painful empty feeling,
It tears this hole in my heart open
Letting it fill in with sadness,
And letting it become deeper.
So I let my nails grow out
Not expecting for anyone to latch on,
Continuing to grasp this desolate air
I find my self falling down in despair,
But then I see you reaching out
To grab my lonely hand out from the dark,
But alas I cut you,
I lost the sense of caring,
My nails and my heart,
Have become too sharp for this hand to hold on.
MasochisticMy heart is a hot pink balloon,
stretched too tight with too much air,
I am one beat away from it popping,
bursting out my chest,
splattering my blood upon drops of rain,
because I was born with a broken heart
and no one has ever managed to make me feel any less than I do,
I only feel nauseous and angry and yes, maybe a little desperate,
my eyes now blooming roses out of their lash lines
and I can feel the thorns scraping against my cornea,
it's almost as if I've gone numb,
there are really only two options here;
or feeling nothing with no in-between,
oh what have I done, what have I done,
but now what am I doing?
tears spill over my skin like tomato seeds
and I know I must be growing, going, growing,
but instead I have been grieving
and for that I feel guilt because where is my sense of sanity?
I used to have hope that wrapped itself around my forearms like flames
and I had peace sunken in my lungs like heavy anchors,
things were calmer then
and I need that now,
TogetherWe will be together.
I can hear your laughter,
like music chimes on the wind.
And your smile is radiance,
like the sun it warms me.
Your touch is soft and gentle,
fingers brush tears from my cheek.
And I taste your lips against mine,
sweeter than any chocolate.
But you become ash in my mouth,
and slip through my fingers like sand.
For you are a hope and a dream,
a lie my mind made and my heart believes.
Are you real or just a phantom,
a simple figment of my rumination?
Do you stare at the same stars in longing,
or are you like the void that separates them?
My heart says that you too are waiting,
for what cradles you in imagination.
We will be together.
The 4 Steps of Getting Over HimWhen you walk away from
Someone you love,
You feel a thousand, tiny, iron hooks,
Attached to the spool of memory,
Dig into your heart
And pull it out through your back,
Cracking every rib and spine-bone
As you go.
And once you've got away,
You've got to clean the wound,
And plunge your heart into boiling water,
So it doesn't fester
And turn your head rotten.
After the kind of storm
That wails around the corners,
And up the stairs,
You can sit on your bed
And feel the hollowness
In your chest-cavity
Suck at your collarbones.
Once the salt rain has stopped
Stinging your eyes and echoing in your ears,
Go outside, and carry the emptiness
Until you feel your new heart
Conversation with a blind personcan you see something?
Nothing. I never saw anything.
so it's all black?
No I cannot see black
because I do not know what black is.
I do not and I have never seen anything
so I have no knowledge of what anything is.
I wish I could see your face
Falling. Alone?When will the rain stop falling?
When will the reaper stop calling?
Did I do something wrong?
I must have
To suffer for this long.
It's not like I didn't try,
And it's not like you did
But I never got to ask why
I just ran and hid.
'Honesty is the best policy'
That's what they say
But I doubt they know truth at all,
Being who they are today.
If I could, I'd wish it away
But I can't
So I'm alone today;
Meant to die here this way.
Enoughyou used me, you know
took me by the heart and swung me around as if I were a rag doll
as if I couldn't feel anything
as if it didn't even matter if I did
but it hurt, my god did it hurt
it ripped at my chest and pulled at my skin
and I hurt, I hurt so bad
but at least I knew that I loved.
I knew that I loved you enough
because it broke open my insides until they were a bleeding, broken mess
and my cheeks were stained with tears and makeup
my eyes were puffy and so, so dull
and you called me beautiful
you said I looked so beautiful like this
empty and vacant and battered
so I let you do it again and again and
you called me beautiful and once again I was putty in your hands
pliant and moldable and a copy, simply a copy
there was nothing left of me as a person
I was your rag doll
your prized possession of soft skin and skeleton
sitting cross legged and beautiful on your shelf
decorated with smatters of purples and blues and yellows
you called me beautiful
and no one else would ever
Silently"You'll be okay," they told me
but said goodbye to the old me,
then left me to die,
and ignored every cry.
Tears that fall silently,
unseen, still violently
leave scars on my skin.
And with my voice so thin,
I know I will rue
now what I'm telling you.
So I will just smile
and say by the pile,
"I'm fine again."
But I'm screaming in pain!
Can't you hear me?
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More